BFFs? Anyone?

It sucks when you've realized you're alone all this time. With no one to talk to and no one to share your sentiments, thoughts, or arguments. I know I suck, too. But that doesn't keep me from having it, does it? 

What triggers me to think such things was a talk with someone the other night. She was telling me about her friend and how she knows her well. How they want to bond before they part ways for a meantime. While she was telling me this I've come into one realization: I missed having a best friend. Or having friends. 

Yeah, we have this one friend who we thought of him/ her as the best among our friends. The only one who deeply understands you, cares for you, scolds you whenever you've done something wrong, laughs with you, and knows your language ( because you both understand it, whatever it is). You know, your sibling not by blood. And sometimes you fight but you will make up and reconcile and you're now back to being best friends, as if nothing bad happened. 

But not all friendships are like that. Mine was not cliche'. Because I know I lost mine. 

Yes, I have friends. But because of our busy schedules,  we are not seeing each other and we barely keep in touch these days. But I don't know, despite of having them ( AND I AM REALLY REALLY THANKFUL FOR THEM), I am still a bad friend to them. That's why they don't want me now. That's what I'm feeling now. Because of what I've done to them, they drifted apart. Of course, who would want to stay after what I've done? They will just find a better person that won't hurt them as much as I hurt them. And despite what I've done to make up to them, I know for a second that nothing will ever be the same. It's like 'hey thanks for the effort but I already have this good friend now. Your loss. You're too late.' 

Too late. 

Am I too late to fix thing? Myself? Am I bound to being alone all my life? 

I just want to be someone's best friend. I just want to feel having someone to lean on. I don't want to mess it up this time. Just give me a chance. And patience. 😞